When we called up Aggie Konde, she said she was not up for any interview with anyone. “Not even NTV,” she added for emphasis. We called a bluff that we have previously interviewed a cadaver and we were in possession of the soundclip. She laughed. Aggie Konde, the NTV Uganda Managing Director, had bought it. Yes, she is that susceptible to deception.
Next was Anita Kyarimpa, aka Fabiola. Our intention was to sit the two together and hear their side of the story in a face-off interview. The dazzling hot former Miss Uganda runner-up and former NTV Be My Date presenter said she had no comment. “Know what, you are going to be interviewed by the only journalist who has ever interviewed a foetus,” we hit at her. The giggles suggested she had bit the bullet.
We decided to leave Solomon Muhiirwa, the NTV head of HR, out of this. The man had already sounded denser than these two ladies so we did not want to make the room too languid by adding his presence.
In an email announcing Fabiola’s sacking to staff, Muhiirwa said the reason emanates from her nude pictures that have been doing the rounds on social media circuit (sic) and that those in the habit of engaging or those contemplating doing the same should think thrice of its repercussions (another sic). “This tarnishes our brand image and values; a foundation on which we are built and respected,” the HR, who, for lack of a better adjective we shall call a newt, said.
Yes, we just called Solomon Muhiirwa a newt. Look, who sacks a Fabiola, a damsel every other man wants to ‘suck’, a damsel someone described as an “organized piece of artwork”? We swear this is the new breed of African jealousy! Anyway, here is what transpired in the cross-fire interview moderated by The Frying Pun.
“Aggie, let’s get straight to the point. You sacked this girl [points at Fabiola] ostensibly because of her leaked nude pictures, right?” Pun asked.
“That’s right,” she said.
“But you hired her ostensibly because she strutted what her momma gave her semi-nude on the catwalk. How can you now climb the moral high ground of the brand image?” Pun probed. “To make it worse, Aggie, you gave her a gutter show called Be My Date. Even Bukedde TV had not sunk that low. What’s the hypocrisy for?”
“At NTV Uganda, we have a code of conduct that every staff is inducted in when joining. We are very proud of this code of conduct for it’s our brand. Anita did not live up to it and that is on record,” Konde said.
“No, no, no! We have already indicated the whole brand image thing is total hypocrisy. Did you miss the news of Nation Media staff in Nairobi having sex in the parking lot in their cars? Were they fired?” Frying Pun was not relenting.
“I think I misunderstood the whole intention of this interview. Are you seeking to denigrate my decision, Mister? NTV Uganda might be part of Nation Media Group but we make our own decisions,” Konde fired back.
“So it was your decision? What exactly is this brand image you are talking about? Has Bukedde’s brand tumbled because of Robinah Mweruka’s thorough piston-like gyration in the sextape?” Pun shot in.
“For your information, such gutter stuff is part of Bukedde’s brand, that is why they just cheered Mweruka on and probably gave her a pay raise,” Konde said.
“Word is that you are starting a luganda segment of your operations, meaning Bukedde will be your direct competitor. How will you even compete when you are sacking Fabiola over pictures allegedly leaked after her phone was stolen?” Pun asked.
“’Allegedly’ is not appropriate word here,” Fabiola said. “I lost my phone and went through a lot of pain trying to fight off people who wanted money.”
“So NTV must have been aware that you lost your phone and that blackmailers were making a kill from it, but instead of offering some form of support, they decided to sack. Aggie, you don’t put a gun to your daughter’s head over that, you help her through it,” The Pun addressed the NTV MD.
“I believe they miscalculated,” Fabiola offered, leaving the Frying Pun confused. But not for long.
“Yes, I must admit there was an element of miscalculation,” Konde started. “You see, every week after the show, social media is filled with vile comments about it. We figured if we fired her because of the nudes, then people will mock her instead, but Ugandans are strange. I can’t imagine everyone is up in arms and calling for her reinstatement.”
“You used a cocktail of Pepsi and Mountain Dew logic to make a decision,” Fabiola now hit out. “A lush-looking potted plant in an office doesn’t mean it is watered regularly; it can actually be plastic.”
“Huh? Plastic? Taking of that, some people are calling you ‘Fake-ola’ now. Apparently, your butts leave men drooling in HD decibels, but in your Eve’s suit, the butts were missing in action. Fabiola, are they fake?”
“So you called me here to discuss my butt?” she asked.
“Actually, such and other things also contributed. Our assessment was that many people watched not the show but Fabiola and that is wrong. People would come for the show but just so they get the chance to meet Fabiola. Now, add to media reports about her rent issues and that thing in the apartment… tell me, Frying Pun, which manager wouldn’t have parted ways with Anita?” Konde asked.
“Kabushenga… Robert Kabushenga of Vision Group. Actually, only NTV led by Aggie Konde would do that. Will you tomorrow sack Zuena if Bebe Cool is seen dry-humping some horny fan on stage in Mbale town?”
“I think you are exaggerating things now. We only warned our staff against stooping so low as do take nude pictures,” Konde said, almost pleading.
“What is low about nude pictures? We are born nude by nude mothers. Apart from Brenda Nambi of former Obsessions, there is no other person we know of who has released own nudes. If you, a woman, is victimizing another woman, you can only imagine where society is headed considering we are already in an abyss where society, especially men, hold women at ransom because they know exposing their nudity will lead to automatic sacking. Mark you, some of those pictures are taken without women knowing, some are videos etc. Sacking is not sending a deterrent message but setting a wrong precedent to blackmailers…”
“Mister Pun, my time is up. I am leaving,” Konde said.
The Frying Pun is a parody column