Fred Enanga is the Police spokesperson who has shot to a lot of infamy or fame or both for going beyond the inexplicable while speaking for his appointing authority and the institution that pays his salary. We surprised him with a call to his office for a chit-chat and things nearly turned on us.

Frying Pun: We are going to record this interview, is that okay with you?

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Enanga: What difference does it make? I can deny everything you recorded as and when I want if you publish anything I said that I won’t like. That includes if I feel like I shouldn’t have said what I said… I will deny it and deal with you.

Frying Pun: Are you saying you must be right and politically correct at all times?

Enange: Can’t you ask in simpler English? Kati, tuyogeere luganda, okay?

Frying Pun: What did you just say?

Enanga: Which media do you work for? How can you live in Kampala and not know Luganda?

Frying Pun: So you just spoke luganda? I am not a muganda and I write in English. Now, onto other things, Brig. Kasirye Gwanga spoke of you with a lot of disdain, like a war hero telling the world that you are just another of the refugees born after the floods and without umbilical cord.

Enanga: So who exactly is Kasirye Gwanga? What does he do now? Times have changed and that man is clinging to the past. We no longer speak with guns, we use words or…

Frying Pun: or tear gas, huh?

Enanga: Watch your tongue, young man. I was saying, Gwanga is stuck in the past. He is irrelevant to the present situation because the game plan now is not like that of 1980s. The same applies to these other generals holding ceremonial titles that can’t even stop me from arresting them. You get it?

Frying Pun: Talking of today’s game plan, besides tear gas, does it include things like interpreting the law as and when it suits you like you earlier said about this recording?

Enanga: I don’t know about that. What do you mean interpreting the law as…

Frying Pun: For instance, your boss says the Police Act and NRM constitution are superior to the national constitution. And this Immaculate lady in the protocol office actually defended such utterances.

Enanga: By ‘boss’ you mean the IGP? Oh, the IGP is a professional lawyer, a professional soldier, a committed citizen who is willing to lay his life for the safety of this country. The Constitution is there to help citizens and courts of law, but it provides for other statutes like the Police Act. In the execution of our laws, why should we be held back by a civilian law?

Frying Pun: Do you actually mean what you just said or…

Enanga: Oh what?

Frying Pun: Or… I hear you guys arrested one of your own for the disappearance of drugs seized from traffickers. Perhaps you guys consume these drugs.

Enanga: What you just said, do you know you can end up in trouble?

Frying Pun: But why would anyone fear trouble considering that the current Police Force sees trouble in everything that is not bowing to their breath?

Enanga: That is a terrible misconception I must say. We serve the interest of the…

Frying Pun: of the party… NRM party. First and foremost, Police under the cadre Kayihura serves NRM

Enanga: Have you ever seen any of us wearing NRM shirts? We serve the people and the law. But if you are going to jump around like Besigye and Lukwago, then we shall arrest you.

Frying Pun: Arrest and charge them with “preventive arrest”. Fred, like for real, how did you come up with such a charge? Since when did ‘preventive arrest’ become a charge?

Enanga: Where was that? This is a new one

Frying Pun: You arrested Amama Mbabazi and charged him with ‘preventive arrest’. You also released him on Police Bond after detaining him under the pretext of executing preventive arrest.

Enanga: Like I said, I am not aware of that. I signed communication of that bond… and the charge sheet… yes, I did, but preventive arrest as a charge? What we did was to merely issue the charge of preventive arrest and later a police bond and let him free. Issuing the charge of preventive arrest is not the same as charging you with preventive arrest.

Frying Pun: Afande, can I play back your voice so you hear what you just said while denying that Police charged Mbabazi with ‘preventive arrest’?

Enanga: What for? By the way, what is your name? Why don’t we end this interview? Just make sure you don’t write anything that can tarnish my budding reputation even if I said it.

Frying Pun: This is going to be verbatim, Afande

Enanga: Okay, verbatim is better than when you just reproduce the whole interview. You do that.

Frying Pun: The image of Police is that of brutality. Every day, you effect arrest of opposition supporters in brutal manner. What happened to civility in the force?

Enanga: We are not brutal. I think what is happening is that our force is well trained and the boys are just too strong compared to those they are arresting. Naturally, if you put Tyson and Olara Otunnu in the same ring, one will bleed in the a**s and we know who that will be.

Frying Pun: So when NRM loses, where do you see yourself?

Enanga: I don’t work for NRM, I will be here or anywhere I am posted as a professional constable. Now, I should be stepping. What is your name again?

The Frying Pun is a parody column.


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