Usually, our guests need no introductions, but for the sake of repeating ourselves, we shall introduce Don Innocent Wanyama. The former New Vision sub editor, Daily Monitor chief sub editor and managing editor is now the special media assistant in the office of the NRM chairman at the NRM Secretariat. But let’s not waste time and have the man himself tell us more about himself and his job. Below is the excerpt of our tête-à-tête.
Frying Pun: Congratulations on the new appointment, Don.
Wanyama: Thanks, mate.
Frying Pun: Now you rub shoulders with the people who matter, but for some reason, it’s as if the media is treating your appointment with contempt. We are not seeing any mega profile of the journalist turned media strategist for the only revolutionary with a vision, eh?
Wanyama: It’s not that they are treating me with contempt as you say; I am a very private person if you didn’t know. I prefer to remain in the shadows and do my job.
Frying Pun: I like the diction. Shadows. You must also know that people who work in the shadows do lots of dirty job, so did this shadowy job start with the poll thing…
Wanyama: Look here, I don’t know why you are dragging me back to that subject, but even the President himself knows Monitor erred in judgement in sacking me by giving in to political elements who hate the President and NRM.
Frying Pun: So you insist the poll was right, yet your appointment [to NRM] confirms you were working with the State, it justifies both Monitor and the other blogger, Piga Panga…
Wanyama: By the way, nowadays I am also a busy man. Get to real issues. I forgave those people. My current position is enough proof that ‘all is well that ends well.’
Frying Pun: Alright, Don. Fast-forward, you really started with so much gusto. Haven’t you expended all the energy you need for the forthcoming electioneering fever in attacking Amama Mbabazi alone?
Wanyama: I don’t know why people think that I attacked Mbabazi. Is telling the truth an attack? I merely reminded the man of things he was trying too hard to deceitfully forget.
Frying Pun: Okay, one index finger pointing at Mbabazi, the rest folded back to point at your chest. Wouldn’t the Don Wanyama who bled for Nandala Mafabi apply ISIS execution skills on the current one seated before me if the two met today?
Wanyama: I have never been in cohorts with Mafabi. Those are all baseless allegations.
Frying Pun: You were suspended by Monitor for openly supporting Mafabi against Mugisha Muntu in the FDC presidential polls….
Wanyama: No, no, no, my friend. I was reprimanded, yes, but not that I was guilty. I was doing my job as an editor and some people felt aggrieved since I did not give them the kind of publicity they thought they deserved.
Frying Pun: An editor with highly political comments on Facebook, were you editing Facebook?
Wanyama: I was apolitical on Facebook. I never supported Mafabi. I have never met Mafabi personally, although I can admit to seeing him…er… yes, twice, when he walked into the newsroom while going for talkshows on KFM. That was all.
Frying Pun: Eh, Don! Not even Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf would square up to the new you. Look, this interview is going public, so at least sieve some semblance of truth in your lies for the good of your public image.
Wanyama: I will be clear with you. There is no lie in what I am saying. You think I am worse than Comical Ali? Eh? There is another truth I want to tell the public. I should have said it in the opinion I wrote, but I saved it for later. Where was Mbabazi when our visionary leader was risking bullets in the bush, risking his life travelling in a leaking boat at night in dangerous weather on Lake Victoria, daring Obote’s henchmen by driving right from Entebbe through Kampala? Where was Mbabazi again? Where?
Frying Pun: I am all ears… go on.
Wanyama: Mbabazi was living in great comfort in Kampala eating sausages. People ate bullets in the bush, my friend.
Frying Pun: Don! You already got the job, you don’t need to go this far now. Sober up. Don’t make Squealer wail in his grave at a time when Ofwono Opondo has turned into a travesty of a mouthpiece…
Wanyama: So now you are going to reduce me to the level of a night dancer like Squealer? What did Squealer do besides falling off the ladder in the dead of the night in the name of tampering with the animal commandments?
Frying Pun: He fell for Napoleon and it worked. But it seems that rather than fall, you have spun 360 degrees so fast that the dizziness has left you literally impaired in the head.
Wanyama: [laughs hard] To you, I look like a mad man, to the President, I am serving the nation diligently. Only His Excellency can judge me.
Frying Pun: Indeed! I notice that you turned from Saul into Paul, like in one of your Letter From Kireka pieces where you berated an NRM fanatic of a politician.
Wanyama: I don’t know about that.
Frying Pun: At least you know about how chaotic NRM has turned since Mbabazi announced his decision to aspire for the presidency. For the record, who is the official spokesperson and who works where?
Wanyama: What do you mean? Don’t we have titles and responsibilities?
Frying Pun: Titles, you have, but responsibility is jumbled up. Evelyne Anite is at one corner talking on behalf of the party and the presidency, OO is busy reminding everyone of how he has never changed since the Uchumi pen and underwear scandal, then Frank Tumwebaze is writing on Facebook, and Karooro Okurut is talking in her sleep. At the end of it all, Tamale Mirundi goes on local radios to leak his tongue with the reckless abandon of Zaitun’s nudes. And we have not yet heard from John Nagenda…
Wanyama: We are all NRM, we can speak for the party and defend our visionary leader against attacks from the likes of Mbabazi and Besigye. Look, I am really going.
Frying Pun: Thanks for your time, Don.
Frying Pun is Parody column
g Pun is a parody column
